Boys don't like to shop?
by madison.h
Summary: Alice and Bella have been plotting a little something against our lovely Edward. They take him on an unsuspecting trip to the mall, and he gets more show than he paid for. :D Updating as soon as I get more reviews.
1. Chapter 1

fanfiction

"Edward? Can you come down here for a moment?" Alice chirped with unnecessary volume. She knew that I could hear her perfectly fine with a whisper. Hell, I could hear her perfectly fine without conversing aloud at all. Bella could read the hesitation on my face, and she stifled a giggle, "what is it? You can't leave alice waiting."  
"Bella, my beautiful angel, I'm just contemplating whether or not answering her is safe..."  
"why not?" she smiled.  
"You of all people should know that Alice can be the scariest of us all at times?" I raised my brow, waiting for her to catch on. She did.  
"oh no! She isn't planning another shopping trip, is she?" the horror in Bella's voice almost had me rolling on the floor.  
"Edward Cullen! You tell me this instant, do i really have to endure another day of bags and credit cards? I had to buy a new dresser just last week..."  
"And for good reason!" A very hurt looking Alice said, standing at the doorway. "why didn't you answer me?"  
"sorry Alice, Bella was being unintentionally funny." was all i could muster through laughs. Alice was quite the pixie.  
Alice's eyes glazed over, like she was concentrating very hard on something unseen. Then her expression suddenly changed to a twisted, erratic smile. I caught on to this, and pried at her mind, searching for whatever plastered that look on her face-sending chills down my spine. But instead, all i could hear was a song that we heard on the radio last week. _if you want my body, and you think I'm sexy..._She was being sneaky, eh? "Hey! not fair." I mock-whined.  
"No way, big brother, you're coming with me." she turned to my angel, "You too, Bella. This was what I was telling you about, at the thing, with the thing." But her surreptitious eyes suggested more than a _Thing._  
Bella's near-constant look of horror when Alice plotted shopping trips suddenly flipped into a devilish smile-her eyes seemed to sparkle, like a prepubescent child, clearly satisfied with getting away with something they shouldn't have. Was the excitement I could see in her eyes, apprehension maybe?  
"So, Edward, will you be joining us at the mall today?" Alice probed. What could I do, resist? How _could_ I resist? I needed to be with my Bella. Besides, what if she needs me? Alice can be vicious. What if my dear sister drowns her in a mass of halter tops and daisy dukes? Oh, who was I kidding? I had nothing else to do today, and the more-than-suggestive look on both of their carefully constructed faces told me that I may not wanting to be missing out on this particular shopping trip.

The car ride was maddening. Every time I would look at my Bella, she would simply smile and that sparkle in her eyes seemed to peak and she would giggle. Alice was still "Jamming to Rod Stewart" as she called it; hardly an excuse. She knew that I knew she was hiding something from me. And I knew she knew I knew. So frustrating! Instead I converted to counting the cars that I passed, _nineteen, twenty, twenty-one._ Weren't we there yet? Suddenly the movie theater came into view and I realized that we were closer than I had thought. Thankfully...


	2. Chapter 2

We parked in the back, the lot was near empty

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. puts on plastic fangs and cries **

**I know this isn't very good. But, the idea played across my mind a few nights ago. **

We parked in the back, the lot was near empty. The Volvo had nearly come to halt when a blur of white skin and an dark mahogany blouse had found her way to the side passenger door and gripped my Bella by the wrist-I suppose I wouldn't be helping her out today.

"Alice…" I cooed. "You need to remember to control yourself. What would Carlisle say when we dragged in our Bella-as flimsy as a rag doll?"

She threw me a glace that was beyond insulted. Bella just looked from my Sister to me, and a grin played across her beautiful face.

Why was she in such high spirits? What was I missing? Regrettably-I figured it couldn't have been something that I had done. Damn.

**Bella's Point of View. **

I just loved Alice so much sometimes. We held hands-or she held my hand-as she dragged me across the busy sea of Saturday-shoppers, her consistent stride never ceased, like she was following a clearly marked map laying out on the desk in her mind-perfectly focused.

A goofy smile still was plastered onto my features-frozen-while I contemplated what was about to happen. I didn't know if this was a good idea-and I am pretty self conservative-but who would be against Alice? Edward had already been shooed away with our cover story-I was hungry-and he needed to head off to the food court. I could tell how much it pained him to be left out of the scheme of things, but he stalked off anyhow.

The pixies small feet came to a halt-so suddenly I had to collect my thoughts before realizing where we were-and I looked up from beneath my lashes to read _Bellefleur Lingerie Boutique._ This all of a sudden didn't seem like a very good idea…and the butterflies in my stomach took on sudden cat-like characteristics, clawing their way out. I was sure that Alice could feel my blood pumping harder than only moments before.

"Oh come on, Bella. This is going to be so much fun. Trust me." A comforting smile formed on my almost-sister's perfectly angular face.

Why was I so nervous? Alice was right, this is going to be a blast. Besides, I couldn't wait to see the…

At that exact moment Alice's cell phone started to sound. With vampire speed she flipped open the small silver device. "Hello…Emmett. Oh! Good. Do you see him right now? Okay! Perfect. Make sure he doesn't go anywhere." Thank goodness, Emmett was in place. If it weren't for this little reason-my favorite part of the plan-I wouldn't have any incentive to expose myself like this. Well, it was now or never. Or maybe next week? No! Bella, just walk in there, and go with the flow. The point was to do this before the Wedding. Alice gave me one more reassuring smile and we took one step forward. It was Go-time.

Not one moment after their feet crossed the line, stepping onto the ugly grey-cream carpet, Alice dropped her hand from Bella's and ran to the closest rack-her mind following the invisible map again. Within seconds she found exactly what she was looking for, and then some. Nobody could shop like Alice. If there was one rule in the family it was that Alice did all of the shopping-and don't let Emmett wander alone in the toy section.

I had let my mind wander again, and I was almost surprised when Alice pushed a lacy blue Corset into my hands. From there came the black stockings, matching dark blue panties with ruffled lace and ribbon ties, and the…what was that thing? "uhm. Alice, you can take this back." She shot me a disapproving glance. "okay…"

"So, is this all?" I could barely recognize the excited tone in my voice. Was Bella Swan really ready to strip down for her sister-just to get to Edward's head? I couldn't help but laugh.

Alice's Pixie hands kept shoving new-very thin and see-through, I might add-pieces of fabric and padding into my hands. A melon colored baby-doll gown with eyelet lace trim…A crimson Cami-set…something with black polka dots and lace…purple satin. Wow, there couldn't have been this much changing involved. Edward would surely catch on by then.

Then I felt a cold hand grasp my wrist once again, I was being dragged in the direction of the dressing room…

**There! Another cliff hanger. evil laughter **

**I know this isn't all that amazing, but I am sure excited to see what you have to say.**

**Review, please! Updating soon. **


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